How I overcame my Twitter guilt

I love to blog, argue about serial commas on LinkedIn and find out what my friends are up to on Facebook. But I don’t get Twitter.

I tweet mostly about new posts, which don’t happen frequently enough to stake my territory. I tried to feel more part of the gang by tweeting more about my upcoming book, Write like you talk–only better.

The trouble with Tweetdeck
I even got around to moving to Tweetdeck. Mind you, I have to keep turning it off, as the sounds and flashes interfere with my concentration.

Sadly, I couldn’t stick to my plan to tweet about the book several times a day, excited though I am.

After all, I don’t yet have a place to send people to buy the book, my tweets weren’t all that profound and they didn’t attract many new followers who weren’t looking to hawk nude photos, singles events or other stuff I’m not interested in.

The angst of selling
Besides, I always feel people should come to me and beg me to work, which may be part of the reason my billings were down last year. It’s a miracle I have run my own business for more than 15 years, bought a house and raised two kids, mostly on my own.

I detest hard sales, which is why I love the content marketing philosophy and blogging so much.

So I stopped the buy-my-book tweets.

Still, I felt guilty, like I didn’t measure up to my colleagues who are up there all the time: Donna Papacosta, Sue Horner, Cyrus Mavalwala, Bernard Hellen and more.

The lack of time
I don’t know where they find the time to tweet, let alone do all that reading. Don’t get me wrong. I’m a big reader. But by the time I get through my emailed posts and my RSS feeds, the good stuff has already been hyper-tweeted.

Then there’s all the time consumed by clients, book revising, worrying about my son’s dodgy school attendance and the rest of my life.

I’ve told Donna I could spend most of my day exploring her links. Yet she manages to accomplish a lot of billable work and have adventures in the rioting streets of Athens. Must be a super woman.

Breathing easy
I was so relieved when I heard Rob Campbell, aka Smojoe, speak this week. Don’t worry about Twitter, he told our group, the Professional Independent Communicators, a bunch of Toronto writers, designers and other indies who belong to the International Association of Business Communicators. Long exhale.

Blogging is where the action is, Rob insisted. Let me confess I’d heard Rob before and hired him to help me, as he puts it, pimp my blog. The plan is to finally turn this time-sucking labor of love into the money-making machine I require to send my daughter on that school trip to Paris and replace my aqua bathroom fixtures.

The funniest part of his presentation was when he parodied the countless social media seminars you’ve probably attended that start with a call to raise your hand if you’re on Twitter, Facebook etcetera, then a bunch of Power Point-disenhanced stats about how they’ve grown.

What have you sold on Twitter today?
Raised hands and stats are always impressive, but they’d be a lot more meaningful if they were in response to questions about what people have accomplished, aside from another way to work for no money and have fun.

Sure, there are lots of excellent examples of social media spurring sales for beer and other products intended for that consumer demographic. But I agree with Rob that the benefits for many of us have been over-hyped. It’s the tulip-mania of 2010.

Social media I love
I’m sticking with blogging because it’s an amazing showcase for writers like me. It should also help me sell my book and give me a forum to discuss the feedback I receive.

I’m staying with Facebook too. Many of my friends are strictly social and don’t really care what I do for a living. I will continue to resist their pleas about Farmville and Mafia Wars, which don’t interest me at all. But the updates, photos and groups are a great way to stay in touch.

I may even spend more time on LinkedIn. I’ve yet to attract any business that way, but I enjoy connecting with people who have the same interests as me. Maybe I’ll find a group to help me live with the aqua bathroom fixtures a little longer.

I’ll continue to tweet my new posts, after 3.00 p.m. on Friday, as a study Cyrus tweeted advised, when people are goofing off and more likely to read and retweet you.

But that’s it, for now anyways. Twitter, you are the acquaintance I talk to briefly and occasionally, not a friend I’m fired up about hanging out with all the time.

Don’t take that personally, Twitter. It’s all about me, not you.

My 100th post and other trivia

This is my 100th post. To celebrate, I asked Wikipedia and Google to tell me more about 100. Here are 10, the square root of 100, bits of fun trivia I found.

100 is
1. a Leyland number (26 + 62 = 100)
2. the number of items on way too many lists
3. the number of tiles in a standard Scrabble set
4. the police telephone number in Greece, India and Israel, the ambulance and firefighter in Belgium and the operator in the United Kingdom
5. the HTTP status code indicating that the client should continue with the request
6. the number of episodes for a TV series to become viable for syndication
7. ١٠٠ in Arabic
8. 佰,百 as a Chinese numeral
9. one Dalmation pup missing
10. four years older than I can expect to live

Are bloggers revitalizing the old new journalism?

They almost got me. When I read Copyblogger this morning, I was sad to learn that Third Tribe was shutting down.

But as I read the amusing tale that followed, I realized it was an April Fool’s joke. I blame my slow uptake on my 14-year-old son, who did not play any jokes on me this year, so far anyways. Last year he rearranged my keyboard to say “APRIL FOOL” and wrote an embarrassing update on my Facebook page.

I enjoyed Sonia’s post. Some of the readers commented on the Hunter S. Thompson style. However, while the post was a joke, Thompson based his work on the truth.

Although he took daring liberties with the facts and drugs, Fear and Loathing and his other books were always somehow grounded in reality. That’s why this genre was called the new journalism.

No longer were reporters limited by objective perspectives and unflavored facts. Borrowing techniques from fiction, they could offer opinions and provide the details that enabled readers to feel part of the scene.

While the gonzo excesses may have been pruned, the new journalism has had a lasting impact on broadcast and print reporting. Bloggers too.

I think the new journalism was at its best with Truman Capote and In Cold Blood, a true story just as gripping as any novel I’ve ever read.

Another new journalism book I fondly remember is Tom Wolfe’s Radical Chic and Mau-Mauing the Flak Catcher. More social commentary and word play but less story telling.

Young bloggers who missed the original bluster of new journalism should check out these and other writers. Me, I’m going to dust off some pre-novelist Tom Wolfe to indulge in on this sunny long weekend. No fooling.

Ladies, start your search engines

Today Margaret Wente wrote a column in the Globe and Mail asking Why are bloggers male?

According to Margaret, it’s because men like to express opinions, similar to their yen for extreme snowmobiling or ranting on Fox News.

She pointed out that most women who are comfortable expressing their opinions, which blogging requires, no longer have all that estrogen hushing them up.

She’s right. Most of the popular female bloggers I read are women of a certain age, as the French so nicely phrase it.

I regularly read Dr. Patsy Krakoff, who recently admitted she’s in her sixties. Just this morning I clicked on the photo of Mary Jaksch at Write to Done and saw she’s no spring chicken either.

In my case, dwindling estrogen levels aren’t the whole story. Being outspoken is part of my DNA and upbringing. My mother has never been shy. Neither was hers. Although I grew up in Mad Men times, it did not occur to me that women weren’t in charge. My father still obeys my mother’s every wish, even though she’s in a nursing home and can barely speak.

What a shock it was to realize I was not supposed to ask boys to dance or argue with my boss, usually a white male. Women’s lib came just in time.

Margaret didn’t go into the sex discrimination that takes place in internet marketing. She should read the post by James at Men With Pens (the title says it all) about how a male pseudonym dramatically boosted her web writing revenues.

Yes, sometimes it seems like it’s a man’s world wide web. I’m always taken aback when I read semi-literate comments from guys boasting about how they achieved 1,000 page views a day. They are either lying or tricking Google, which will end in tears.

Then I realize many of their comments are simply pissing contests. I can’t see the point.

When I meet men my age or older at Third Tuesday or other local web 2.0 events, they are usually quite proud that they blog. They frequently volunteer their age, something even an opinionated woman like me won’t do. For them, blogging seems like a fountain of youth or a Viagara substitute.

They are onto something. Blogging has in no way smoothed the wrinkles or revved up my sex life. But it has given me a new lease on life.

After many years writing for business people and politicians, finally I can tell you what I think. In my own way. Hallelujah.

My corporate experience was a wonderful way to learn the tricks of my trade. Creatively and personally, it was stifling.

Of course Margaret Wente doesn’t need to blog because she writes for the most influential newspaper in Canada. But for women like me, blogging is a blast.

After a year, I’m not getting as many page views as I’d like, so I have hired (no surprise) a guy to, as he calls it, “pimp my blog.” I’ll be moving over to my new and improved self-hosted site soon.

I’ve been using some of my posts to write a book, Write Like You Talk–Only Better, that I’ll soon be selling at Sticky Communication. It’s fulfilling to distill what I’ve learned over the years and share with other people who are not having as much fun writing.

But even without the book, I would blog. I love being a mouthy broad.

May the force be with you

I was talking to a marketing friend Steve Semple about the benefits for people who buy the book I’m working on: All the writing they do at work will become easier and more effective. Simple and straightforward.

But what about the unexpected benefits? he asked.

Huh?

Steve talked about Star Wars, where Luke Skywalker gains the obvious benefits of rescuing the princess and defeating the villain.

The unexpected benefit, Steve pointed out, was learning about the “force,” the energy that binds the galaxy and bestows supernatural powers on those who harness it.

That got me thinking. What is the force for people who write? I don’t mean just the stars who create masterpieces, but writers like me who are good enough to earn a living or the people who write well enough to travel our cyber galaxy, the world wide web.

What are the supernatural powers we gain from harnessing the force?

The force lets me meet new people and build relationships outside of my neighbourhood, family, friends and other groups who dwell in my nook of the earth. It lets me express and spread thoughts and expertise for other people too.

Sometimes the force gives me supernatural powers to help people understand and respect each other. Occasionally I master the force so well I can reveal truths and touch hearts.

I guess the unexpected benefit I’d like to give people through this blog or my book is to introduce them to the force of writing. Very few of us will climb to artistic heights. But better writing can help us all understand each other a little better. That is a Jedi force.

However, we must be aware that, just like in Stars Wars, the force can be used for both good, as in bringing people together or raising awareness and funds for good causes, or bad, as in child pornography, jihadism, fraud and the other evils of the world wide web.

Fortunately, most of us harness the force of writing for good.

So tell me, fellow writers and world wide web travelers, how you do harness the force and what good does that do?

Confessions of an e-book writer

I am writing an e-book. At this point I wonder if I will ever finish.

You see, it has to be good, make that great. I can’t accomplish that over a long weekend, contrary to the claims of the internet hucksters who try to entice me to part with my money in exchange for promises of quick e-book riches. I’m not falling for it.

For the past year, I have been posting here. I have not made any money from it. Yet, it’s more than a labor of love.

I’m pulling together many of these posts in a book called Write Like You Talk–Only Better, where I provide a nifty 3-step process that will make writing easier, faster and friendlier for all of you who feel like you’re drowning in written words some days.

Everyone I’m in touch with, especially the big talkers, loves the concept and the title. But I still have to finish writing the book.

The trouble is every time I think I am making headway, I remember something. This gives me ideas for new posts, but takes me farther away from the finish line.

Once the first draft is completed, I’ll send it to some colleagues for review and they’ll have more to add. The wheel will turn again. Who knows how many times.

That’s why I’m going to publish online only before I consider the permanence of print. I can keep improving the book.

The book has to be great because it’s the culmination of 30 years of explaining to people why I have rewritten their work or what they should do next time they have to write something important and I’m not handy. It’s my legacy.

So it has to be my best. As a type B, I have rarely done my very best. But when I turned 50, I decided it was time to give it a shot. I figure I have less than 50 years left to see how bright I can shine.

Besides, the book has to make money. Ever since last year’s stock market crash, I’ve realized I need a revenue stream that will enable me to retire before I become too senile or crippled to type.

To plump the financial cushion, I’m also developing training based on the book. This will also give me the chance to get out more, important because I am starting to develop an unhealthy relationship with my computer and the online world.

As the list of topics I need to write about shrinks, the list of things I need to do to produce and promote the book grows. My mind is still spinning from the seminar I enjoyed last week on how to make keyword sandwiches by smojoe.com for Rapport Design . Expect to see some changes here soon.

Once I find the time. Everything takes too much time.

I am also busy with cover designs and other visuals, subtitles, measurement, Kindle, pricing, affiliate marketing and so much more.

Then there’s the billable writing I have to do. Some days, when I’m in the middle of a particularly hot post or plan and a client calls, I get annoyed and mutter under my breath. Please don’t tell them. Feeding teenagers is expensive.

The book is cutting into not only my earning hours, but also my after-work life, which is tough on a type B. My kids have had to learn to cook. Some days my dog runs herself around the backyard. The dust bunnies have become rabbits with warrens. Friends are removing me from speed dial.

You may be wondering why I am making these sacrifices for something that’s not guaranteed to work. My father asked me why I am writing a book at a time when everyone can write a book because they have a computer. No wonder I have self-esteem issues. No wonder I need to prove I can do this.

I truly believe that my book will perform a miraculous public service. Once my gospel spreads, we will no longer be forced to trudge through emails that don’t get the point, posts we don’t understand, white papers that sound like they were written from the crypt or web sites that sneer.

Besides, I’m having a blast.

Focus

This post has been updated and moved to http://www.stickycommunication.ca/2012/05/from-the-vault-focus/.

My Christmas wish: an easier, faster blog

Dear Santa

What I’d really like for Christmas this year is a new blog. I know that’s asking for a lot but I’ve been really, really good.

The old one takes too much time. Most of the big shot bloggers I read tell me to treat my blog like a business. But I already have a business, writing for businesses.

Although the main objective of my blog is to promote this business, I would totally love to have enough page views to grab some Adwords revenue and affiliate advertising. I dream.

I’m also using the blog to draft chapters of my book, Write Like You Talk—Only Better, in which I pass on my wisdom from 30 years as a professional writer and communication planner. Now if that isn’t being really, really good, I don’t know what is, Santa.

The world would be a much better place if we would communicate clearly to each other. A Nobel peace prize maybe? More delusions of grandeur. I’d take the meds if I didn’t worry they’d slow down my blogging.

You may be thinking that I should be listening to successful bloggers instead of appealing to you. The trouble is these zealots tell me that I should post every day, even on weekends, for three years. Talk about get rich slow schemes.

I have tried to post more often, three times some weeks, but I’m busy with my paid writing and advising plus the book. Then there’s my invoicing, networking, volunteering, planning and other business stuff. And let’s not forget reading and commenting on other people’s blogs on top of updating on Facebook, Twitter and Linkedin.

I also have a jam-packed life outside work featuring: two teens who belong to a Facebook group for people too lazy to throw the plastic milk bag corners into the garbage, a near-blind father who rides his bicycle everywhere, the newspapers, magazines and books that seem to reproduce faster than the mice in my green bin, friends who drag me to restaurants, the gym, exhibits… Oh right, you’re watching.

The experts tell me that I have to write quickly. Santa, if you remember me–the short girl with the brown eyes and the black velvet shoes with the bows and rhinestones in the Eaton’s store in Hamilton, Canada–you know I talk very quickly. I write quickly too. In fact, I have written for daily newspapers and politicians. Writing does not get any faster than that.

I may take a little more time than some bloggers because I revise. After all, the people who will pay me to write or will buy my book or training need to know I can express thoughts clearly and concisely.

I also like to spend time on my posts because it’s so much fun. I try out writing styles that would leave some of my corporate clients gasping. Wee!

I devote so much time to my blog that I’ve overhead my kids talking about tricking me into appearing on one of those reality intervention shows where you end up going into treatment for addiction, in my case for the overwhelming compulsion to post.

I can see your eyes glazing over, Santa. I should have realized you have enough trouble keeping up with iPhones and xboxes and that alphabet scramble of tech toys the kids ask for these days. You probably don’t know much about blogging, though you do have a nice web site and a slick sleigh tracking system.

Maybe I should ask people who balance blogging, business and life to tell me what to do. As long as they promise not to roll their eyes and tell me to make more time.

Serenity now! And what I learned about customer service from my computer guy, plumber and hairdresser

This was supposed to be a post about how serene I am after a weekend retreat at a Jesuit monastery. Instead, it’s about how I arrived home to a malware attack, evidence of a clandestine teen party, the hot water tap on our only bath/shower dying, my daughter losing her wallet on the bus… You get the picture.

Had I not spent a weekend in pastoral tranquility my reaction would have been much worse. The rationale part of my brain could have shut down, my eye lids could have twitched wildly and I could have resorted to emptying the cookie jar into my stomach while yelling at my kids.

Instead I stood up to the evil claims of Alpha Antivirus, which insisted my computer was under a trojan assault that could be defeated only by purchasing this misnamed software.

I ran trusty old Norton through my computer, thinking it would identify and fix the problem. Not at all. At least my suspicions about the malware were confirmed. Sadly, my computer continued to cry out in pain, with frequent crashes, surprise setting changes and more.

Unfortunately, my computer guy Antonio does not work Mondays so I decided to tackle the problem myself. I did not consider going elsewhere because good computer guys, like hairdressers and plumbers, deserve absolute loyalty.

I tried two programs, that helped but didn’t solve the problem. So I’ve switched computers and plan to take the sick one to Antonio later.

I know I’m in good hands. In addition to fixing the problem, he will give me some free advice on preventing a recurrence and chat about his mother in Peru.

I had called my plumber, but he wasn’t available till next week. I have been very loyal ever since he replaced my leaking toilet tank with a gently used one (aqua, not easy to find) after I had burst into tears when I was going through a painful divorce made worse by vulture lawyers draining my finances.

Fortunately, the kind plumber recommended another plumber, so I didn’t feel I was cheating.

My horoscope had told me I was in for major expenses today, so I was braced for the worst, the need to lavishly renovate both bathrooms and not bathe until sometime in 2010. What a relief.

The repair was quick and reasonable and the sweat from yesterday’s workout has finally been scraped off.

The tides had started to turn earlier, with my daughter no longer in tears about the lost wallet when she got up this morning. After belting out I Will Survive, she had segued into some cheery popular tunes. I should explain that she’s at a performing arts school so our home often looks like the stage of a broadway musical.

I expect her wallet will turn up at the transit lost and found, probably with no money but with her transit pass and health insurance card. When she gets home with the news, we will burst into a nicely harmonized duet.

Or maybe not. I still have to figure out how to prevent unsupervised parties and too-frequent losses of valuables.

Thanks to reality, I’m not in a serene state of mind. I feel like George’s father on Seinfeld, yelling “Serenity now,” as if stress can be commanded to leave any more than a quick free download is going to fix my computer or the bandaid solution a contractor had made to my tap during one of my endless renovations would keep it functioning forever.

With my hair now air drying after that luxurious shower, I’m remembering that I’m due for a cut and highlights. Hope my stylist isn’t booked up. I really can’t go anywhere else, without feeling guilty about the times he’s squeezed me in or made me feel good when I think I look old and fluffy, as I like to call it.

Which brings me to today’s lesson. Like my computer guy, plumber and hairdresser, I need to do great work for my clients. But, I also need to throw in a few favors, ask about each their families and make them feel good about themselves.

Follow their examples and your customers will not stray. They’ll know they can count on you, even when they are pulling out their hair screaming “Serenity now!”

Laugh more at work: 3 tips

We all know that laughter reduces stress, increases energy, motivates and makes people feel better about themselves and others. Yet many offices, or cubicle farms, are serious spaces, with people worrying that a joke could offend, inspire ridicule or make them look unworthy of promotion.

Yes, humor can bring risks. But, handled the right way, the risks are outweighed by the rewards of happier people.

After too many years of serious corporate writing, I’ve tried to be funny in some of my blog posts. As some of my readers might agree, often I’m a comedian only in my own mind. In case you didn’t catch on, this is an example of self-deprecating humor. No belly laughs, but maybe you smiled.

From much of the tedious communication that crosses my desk, I know that many others need help to rediscover their inner comedian.

I asked for advice from one of the funniest people I know, Kathleen McAulay, therapeutic clown, stand-up comedian and workplace humor consultant.

That last title is not a joke. She’s worked with many organizations that recognize the benefits of laughter.

Kathleen offered three tips for revving up humour: be yourself, tell stories and interact.

1. Be yourself
Kathleen urges would-be office comics to think about the kind of humor that works for them. “Some people just can not tell a joke, but they’re quick with the one-liners. Other people may want to illustrate their point with a funny story about what their kid did the other day.” Observational humour, satire, exaggeration, fantasy or silliness may also work.

To make my humor work for me, I might leverage the fact that I’m a speed talker. When I get going too fast, I will often pause briefly, telling people I need to breathe and let them catch up.

The point is to cultivate your personal brand of humor. As Jerry Seinfeld said: “The whole object of comedy is to be yourself and the closer you get to that, the funnier you will be.”

2. Tell stories
Pick the physical details that will help your audience visualize your story. Share feelings they can identify with. Although the stories should be based on the truth, feel free to exaggerate wildly.

For example, I’ve written about my frustration with my 82-year-old mother who insists on smoking outside of her nursing home in raging blizzards. I point out that she permits me to wheel in her snow-crusted body before hypothermia strikes.

Or, when talking about saving money during the recession, Kathleen urges people to wear knee pads and a helmet when shopping at Value Village on half-price day.

3. Interact
With live humor, you must interact with the audience. Kathleen advises people want to inject more humor into their presentations or meetings to take courses in improv comedy. “It’s the best way to learn how to read your audience and learn how to communicate through body language, tone and rhythm.”

For written humor, Kathleen recommends writing in a conversational tone, as if you were performing, building in phrases and styles that suggest body language, pauses and other live elements.

Now you’re probably rolling your eyes and making that “tsk” sound between your teeth, while muttering “How can I convey body language and interact?” Hint: I just did.

Kathleen encourages people to test out their comedy, especially if they’re in doubt, with someone who will be brutally honest.

Stay away from the sarcasm and humor that could take a nasty turn. Kathleen promotes humor that builds up, not tears down.

Why do we need more laughter at work?
Laughter reduces stress by making people breathe deeply and shift their focus. As Mark Twain wrote: “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit take their place.”

We spend more time with the people at work than we do with our families so there are plenty of reasons to laugh more. Here are a few.
• The bottom line will be served by decreasing stress and increasing motivation, energy and creativity.
• Customer service will be lifted up to a level of personal expression that warms customers, suppliers and prospects. Bosses, project leaders, customer service reps and sales people will connect with their teams and customers.
• People are far more likely to remember what you’ve said. “It’s like a highlighter,” Kathleen says.
• Humor makes us less likely to want to shoot one another.